Waking Dreams
by ParadigmShifter
Summary: Sequel to 'Wake As Me'. Xander's arrival at the SGC brings about many new problems, some of which can be solved, some of which cannot.
1. Chapter 1

This is a fic that has been a long time in coming. I'm still not totally happy with it, and if you spot any serious canon screwups, please feel free to tell me, but it might be a feature of the fic that is explained later. Also, I might end up pulling this and redoing it. But let's see what happens. :)

Disclaimer: Gekko, Double Secret, MGM and probably loads of others own StarGate, Joss, WB, UPN et al own Buffy. I do not.

Title: Waking Dreams

Author: Paradigm Shifter

Feedback: Yes please! :-)

Rating: R. There are some potentially disturbing themes in here... like attempted suicide. You know the drill: people ill equipped to read such should avoid. Personally, I don't think it's anything too bad: just a mention in the past. But I'm playing it safe.

Dedication: Teri. For Writing, for Reading, and for Friendship.

Notes: Sequel to 'Wake As Me'. I'd like to thank Trevelyan for the terrific help he's been with all my fics since we first started talking... Although there are times when I wonder if I'd write faster if I wasn't forever sending e-mails back and forth... ;-) And thanks to Robert Cox, too, for his help and enthusiasm with various other projects over time.

Continuity: Wake As Me. Which was singularly the most reviewed fic I have ever written, bar none. The feedback I got to that was absolutely incredible. Thank you all.  
Also, up to Xander's Road Trip in BtVS. And up to the end of Season 2 of StarGate. I've not seen further than that. Although I know vaguely what happens in a couple of places... for example, Daniel's Ascension.

Crazy Thought for the Day: AMD, yes, that AMD, is based in Sunnyvale, California. I've known that for a while, I just thought it was funny. Never mind, eh?

--

Colonel Jack O'Neill, United States Air Force, sat perched on the edge of the briefing room desk, his face a mask behind which no one but his team-mates knew what was going on. Daniel Jackson, eminent archaeologist – at least until his theories had gotten him laughed out of academia – sat in a chair a few inches away, playing nervously with a pencil as Jack's restrained irritation affected everyone in the room. Samantha Carter – although she would chew you out if you called her anything but 'Sam' – sat opposite Daniel, and Teal'c stood emotionless at the doorway, waiting for General Hammond and Doctor Janet Frasier to join them.

Jack finally seemed to finish whatever internal debate he was having, and pushed up from the table to pace nervously around the room. Teal'c watched him with what – for him – passed as worry.

Teal'c's deep voice broke the almost oppressive silence in the room. "I have not seen you this worried for many months, ColonelO'Neill."

Jack stopped pacing for a second to look at each of his team. They had been through a lot together – through Hell and back, almost literally. He sighed; regaining, or trying to, at any rate, his equilibrium before speaking. "It's just... this kid." He didn't know what to say after that.

Sam nodded. "We understand, sir. But if he is, then you'll have to get used to the idea..."

"It's not the idea I'm bothered about!" Jack shouted at her in a temper. Instantly wishing he hadn't, Jack flashed puppy dog eyes at her as an apology.

Daniel picked up where Sam left off, as Jack covered his face with his hands and shook his head helplessly. Sam didn't take the Colonel's outburst personally: he had been under a tremendous amount of pressure recently – especially since Alexander Harris turned up on the StarGate Commands doorstep spouting secrets like they were given away free in packets of chewing gum.

"...because he's here to stay, Jack. A civilian that knows about us? That isn't a Goa'uld? He's going to be a fixture in the SGC: whether as a prisoner or as a member of the team, he's now in." Daniel shrugged and finished drawing out an intricate diagram on a sheet of paper, before picking it up and examining it. He tutted at a misdrawn line, and screwed it up. "Oh well."

"What was that, Daniel?" Sam asked, hiding the fact she very much wanted to ask what Jack was bothered about, if it wasn't Harris' presence. But Daniel's reply to her question – and her private musing – was forestalled as General Hammond walked through, Janet Frasier trailing him. The two Air Force officers stood up instantly and saluted, with Daniel following suit a second behind. Teal'c stiffened to attention, but did not salute in the way his compatriots did. As the other sat, following General Hammond, Teal'c remained standing by the doorway, arms folded over his chest.

"As you were." General Hammond sounded tired. His voice carried the subtle hints of stress that had become such a regular accompaniment to anything SG-1 heard him say.

He began with a statement. "Alexander Harris is here to stay."

Jack took the news surprisingly well. Both Sam and Daniel had been watching him carefully, so they could either duck for cover or save Jack's ass if he blew his top. Jack simply asked "Why?"

Hammond looked at Jack, his eyes betraying nothing. If he was annoyed at being questioned, he didn't show it. But with SG-1, it had become common practice, so it was hardly a new experience. "The President, strangely enough, seems to trust my judgement in these matters, Colonel. Harris is too much of a security risk to allow outside of the SGC at any time in the near future – at least without one of the SG-teams accompanying him."

Janet took this opportunity to speak. "With your permission, General?" she asked, before launching into a lengthy explanation when he nodded. "Young mister Harris is not a Goa'uld host. There aren't even any of the tell-tale signs that say he has ever encountered one. There is some low-level ionisation of his cells: this occurs frequently in areas of mid-to-high radiation. But Sunnydale is nowhere near a nuclear reactor, if fact, it's quite a mystery. I don't know what Mr. Harris has been doing, but he is also covered in scars. They are conducive to beatings and bladed weapon attacks... the beatings are from quite a while ago – at least two years, maybe more. The X-rays support this: the calcification of his bones shows where breaks have previously occurred... if I didn't know better, I'd say he was Black Ops. Physically, too, he's early to mid twenties... I don't know what caused that, but he's physically as fit as he will ever be. That led to the Black Ops conclusion."

Jack looked hard at her. If that was true, he could be an NID plant. That would be just like them: play on his, and the rest of the SGC's links to the past. Desecrate the memory of a good man to get the SGC mothballed – or gain control of it themselves. He zoned back in as Janet continued, "The bladed weapon injuries are healed, but are far more recent: most have happened in the past year or so. Although I noticed two cuts on his arms that are older. If I may step into psychology for a moment, I believe he may have been abused when younger, and tried to commit suicide. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen things like this..." Janet trailed off, her eyes haunted by some memory.

General Hammond nodded and spoke, drawing her out of her reverie. "Very well. So we have someone who is a complete enigma turn up on our doorstep, who we know very little about, and who knows an awful lot about us."

Jack snorted. "So what else is new?"

Hammond pointedly ignored the comment. "So. What do you all think we should do? I'm open to suggestions, people."

Jack surprised everyone when he spoke. Sam and Daniel in particular had been watching his lack of reactions with increasing concern. "What do you think we should do?"

Hammond didn't blink. "That's what I'm asking you."

Janet stood up. "I need to get back to the infirmary. Until you've decided what is to be done with Mr. Harris, I should continue working with him."

Hammond nodded. "Very well, doctor."

Janet stepped out of the room, and sighed heavily. "Alexander Harris, who and what are you?"

--

Xander sat on the edge of one of the infirmary beds, watching the two airmen watching him.

"You know, I'm not surprised they don't believe me... I mean, I have a hard time believing myself, sometimes!"

The airman he had addressed didn't even twitch, so he hopped up from the bed and turned his attention to the other one.

"Do you believe me? I mean, it sounds like something out of a fairy tale, doesn't it? 'The One Girl in All the World'... God, what a crock of shit!" He turned round, angry at himself for his mood.

The door opened, and Janet Frasier stepped through. Xander turned to watch her approach. "Oh, hi Doc."

Janet remained silent, pushing him back so that he sat back on the edge of the bed again, and rolled up his sleeve.

"Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, OK, I can do that, too."

Janet wrapped the cuff around his elbow so she could take his blood pressure again, and looked worriedly at his wrist as she did so. She broke the silence.

"When did you do that?"

Xander jerked at her voice, as if he had been deep in some other thought. "Do what?" he replied carelessly, watching her work.

Janet was not amused by his flip attitude. "The cuts on your wrists: the old ones. When did you get them?"

Xander went from flip to cold and angry in less time than it took to blink. He ignored the stiffening of the two guards at the door as he said harshly, "None of your business."

"You came here of your own free will, Mr. Harris: we didn't force you here. We didn't kidnap you. And while you are guest of my infirmary, you will be polite." Her eyes met his, and she added, "Please."

Xander shook his head unhappily, but acquiesced. "OK, doc."

Janet sighed. "Now... perhaps we can start again, on a better footing this time?"

Xander just shrugged. "Whatever."

Janet could see they had a long way to go before anything truly helpful was forthcoming. "You didn't expect us to just let you walk around free, did you? After how suddenly you arrived? And you haven't even given us a good reason why you know all you do, yet!"

Xander blinked at her, and Janet felt suddenly like she had intruded onto something private. "You want to know everything, doc? Everything?"

"I think you owe us that much, don't you?" Janet looked at Xander, who met her gaze with an unwavering wall of secrets hidden within his. "Kowalsky?"

Xander jerked as she said that name. Finally, heavily, he spoke. "Yes."

Janet didn't know which answer he was responding to, but she didn't want to find out without the others. She turned to the two guards. "Bring him up to the briefing room in five minutes."

Janet was out of the door before she saw the guard nod.

-- 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Gekko, Double Secret, MGM and probably loads of others own StarGate, Joss, WB, UPN et al own Buffy. I do not.

Title: Waking Dreams

Author: Paradigm Shifter

Feedback: Yes please! :-)

Rating: R.

--

"He's got to be an NID plant." Jack said vehemently.

Hammond replied instantly, "Reasons?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know... yes, I do. He's dumped on our doorstep, with a tale so gauzy that any idiot can see through it, and expects us to believe him. He has a detailed knowledge of the earliest days of the SGC, including a complete history on Kowalsky: enough to say 'He's in my head'" Jack mimicked the tone that Xander had used when explaining how he knew about Kowalsky: as if it was obvious that he heard voices in his head. He didn't quite get the facial expression down though. "I think he's either an NID plant, or a crazy that should be put down."

Teal'c shifted his weight slightly, and Jack looked up. "Got anything to add, buddy?"

"I do not believe he is... NID, O'Neill. Nor do I believe that he is simply insane."

Hammond swivelled his chair round to see the Jaffa. "Again: reasons?" He tapped on the arm of his chair, and added, "Please sit down, Teal'c." He gestured at a chair.

Teal'c did so, and explained his reasoning. "There are many tales among the System Lords of beings – demons – of incredible power..."

Jack butted in, "So you think he's a... demon?" His voice carried an incredulous note to it.

"No." Teal'c replied. "I do not. But their powers were more astonishing than themselves: they could do anything. While the Goa'uld use technology already existing, demons had natural abilities... some could warp time, others could resurrect the dead. Others still lived forever. The Unas... which could, indeed, be believe to be 'demons' have astonishing regenerative abilities: we have experienced this ourselves, have we not, O'Neill? There was a tale once of a demon who could transfer one persons mind into another. I believe that he may have encountered one of these."

Jack snorted; his disbelief evident. Sam also seemed sceptical, but was silent. Daniel nodded slightly to himself, and raised his hand as if he was a kid back in school again. "If I may?"

Hammond nodded. "Go ahead, Doctor Jackson."

"Teal'c's theories have some grounding in other mythologies..."

He paused at Jack's "Oh, puh-lease!" and continued from where he left off.

"Is it so impossible Jack? That mythology other than the Egyptian and Norse were based around fact? But fact so advanced people could not understand it? There are links to ideas like this in Babylonian myths. And in Japanese mythology, too. The past is rife with examples that may reveal a more detailed present... I'm not an expert on either of those belief systems – as you know I dealt mostly with Egyptian mythology – but that doesn't mean I can't contact a few academics who may be able to help."

Hammond nodded, but looked reserved. "If we wash out with Mr. Harris, I will ask you to contact a few select people, Dr. Jackson. Until then, what can you find out for yourself?"

Daniel looked decidedly unhappy. "I've got a few books I can use... but we really need an expert."

"Noted," Hammond said, "But this is the SGC, Dr. Jackson. We cannot just give passes out like candy."

"I still think we should just lock him up." Jack cut back in to the conversation. "If he's telling the truth... if. That's a very big meaning for a very small word. We don't know if it's Kowalsky. If Teal'c's right, and it is a 'possession' or a 'mind-swap' or whatever, then it could be Kowalsky's little Goa'uld pal playing with our minds again."

Sam reversed the report she had been reading, and pushed it slowly across the desk to Jack. "I don't think it can be... I've been going back over the various reports and scans that we did on Kowalsky when we got back from Abydos that first time..." She pointed at one particular MRI image spread out in front of Jack.

"Look, this was a picture of Kowalsky's brain activity during a routine medical a few weeks before the mission..." she moved another next to it. "And here is the one taken when we knew the Goa'uld parasite was present." She pointed to a third image, "and this was the image taken after the surgery to remove the Goa'uld. See that it's a combination of the two? These two areas here," she ringed two bright areas with her pencil, "are active. We assumed that it was just residual activity from the attack... the brain doesn't stop working in one area simply because the stimulus has gone. It has a slight lag time. The areas the Goa'uld stimulated wouldn't return to normal for a few hours at least. But we know now it was because the Goa'uld had completely taken over the host." She winced inwardly at the overly analytical tone she was using – but distance had to be maintained as much as possible. Kowalsky, whether present in Alexander Harris or not, had been dead for some time: they had dealt with it and moved on.

Sam hated herself a little at that realisation.

She opened the folder still in front of her, and pulled out another MRI scan. "Now look at this one. We took this when he arrived, since he was willing. Alexander Harris doesn't have any of the activity associated with Kowalsky's Goa'uld infestation. There is some abnormal activity in the visual cortex, but that could be just about anything. It may be to do with the high level of radiation Dr. Frasier said he was exposed to."

"And exactly what does this... myrrh scan do?" Jack asked, half confused and half upset.

"M.R.I scan, sir," Sam Carter explained patiently. "Magnetic Resonance Imaging. It uses the minute fluctuations in magnetic field inside the brain to create a map of activity within it. Wires have electrical fields generated when power flows through them... well; it's the same with the brain. Just on a much smaller scale."

"I think I want to say, 'huh'?" Jack said with a deliberately idiotic voice. Carter sighed. Daniel cut in to save her.

"They stick him inside a dirty great magnet, and see what comes out the other side, Jack."

Jack rolled his eyes at the archaeologist, but the humour in his eyes was evident. "Duh."

Daniel rolled his eyes back, a small smile tugging at his mouth, and Carter sat back with an even deeper sigh. Jack O'Neill was not stupid: you could not get where he was and be stupid. He seemed to take an almost incredible amount of delight in baiting people with an act.

Janet stepped back into the room. "I've asked for Mr. Harris to be brought up here in four minutes. I suggest we close off the blast doors. He's decided to open up."

"Oh, and how did you manage that, Doc?" Jack smirked at her.

"I was polite." Janet riposted.

"Touché." Jack grinned. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as he thought.

--

Hope you liked this. Review? 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Gekko, Double Secret, MGM and probably loads of others own StarGate, Joss, WB, UPN et al own Buffy. I do not. 

Title: Waking Dreams

Author: Paradigm Shifter

Feedback: Yes please! :-)

Rating: R.

---

When the airmen ushered Xander Harris into the briefing room three minutes later, he had eyes only for one person.

Not in that way: he didn't swing that way, and neither did the Colonel. But there was a connection neither of them could dismiss: a connection forged by common understanding, and common pain.

It was caused by one ghost from the past: Kowalsky. Jack missed his friend. Xander has his friend, embarrassing anecdotes and all, in his head – although Jack didn't want to admit that.

For Jack, Xander had the exact look in his eyes that Kowalsky had had when things went south and all they could rely on was their team and each other. For Xander, it was being able to put a human face to the memories that Kowalsky had forced him to relive every night. It was different from the glimpse they had had from opposite sides of the cell Xander had been put in. There it had been impersonal – separated by reinforced glass and the weight of animosity.

Now, it was painfully evident that neither of the men were really prepared for the emotions that they suddenly experienced.

Xander shook himself out of his shock, and ripped off a textbook salute to the General, which he returned with surprise warring confusion on his face. Jack noticed the slight angle of the hand: one of Kowalsky's trademarks: one that Jack had tried for years to rid him of, but had never succeeded. If this guy was a plant, he was a damned good one – he had the physical mannerisms down pat. Xander nodded to Carter and Daniel, before his eyes came to rest on Teal'c. Kowalsky's almost physical horror at seeing the Jaffa – even though he knew the Jaffa hadn't caused his death, not really – was a blow under which he almost staggered.

Teal'c's implacable gaze wavered, and he looked away for a second. Both men – via silent consensus – would not meet each others eyes again during the revelation this meeting was sure to be.

Hammond gestured at a chair the other end of the table from him. "Sit down, son. There's no point in you giving us a crick in the neck each." Xander smiled humourlessly at the small joke.

"Where shall I start?" he asked after sitting down.

Janet smiled at him; the emotional support she offered was plain. "Wherever you feel comfortable starting."

"I guess you know my name, right?" On the looks he received, he ducked his head. "Stupid question." He took a deep breath. "First, I don't like Alexander... makes me think of days I'd rather forget. And Mr. Harris is my father. I don't want to be associated with him if I can possibly avoid it." There was a barely concealed terror in his words: what concealed it was loathing.

"I'm from Sunnydale, California. I have Kowalsky in my head... in some ways; he's as much me as I am, now. But to understand how he arrived there, you need to know something more about where I used to live:"

He paused, and looked all of them, bar Teal'c, in the eyes. He had an audience that was riveted to the spot... or their chairs, whatever.

"It used to be called, 'La Boca del Inferno.' Do any of you know what that means, ladies and gentlemen?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes: the mouth of Hell."

Xander grinned. "Right on the money, Danny-boy." He grimaced. "Sorry, I didn't mean the familiarity... that was Kowalsky coming out again..."

Daniel shrugged. He didn't mind. If this boy did have... or was Kowalsky, they would all be seeing a lot more of him in the future.

"The mouth of Hell... correct. But what the settlers didn't know when they named it, was that they called it right. It is. Literally."

He expected denials, people calling him crazy... he hadn't expected the thoughtful nods of the people in the room. He wasn't prepared for it, and it freaked him out.

"Hey, I was expecting denial, you know? Maybe a bit of 'you're crazy!' You know; one of the classics! I'm disappointed."

Hammond spoke for himself, and the five other people in the room. "If you do have Major Kowalsky in your head, son, you realise that we're living and working in another thing that may not be considered 'possible'. So we're not denying it."

Xander tilted his head in silent salute of the reminder that the SGC faced things just as hidden – and just as dangerous – as the vampires and demons he had faced nightly. "Y'know, I never thought of it like that. I guess you're right. Sir. I accepted the SGC when Kowalsky explained it to me without so much as a denial or... yeah. But I never think anyone will believe in demons. I guess it's a remnant of the blindness in my hometown: people going missing – and worse – all things getting attributed to 'gangs on PCP'..."

Hammond smiled slightly but it didn't reach his eyes at all. Xander realised he was torn between having him 'vanish' as a security risk, or genuinely finding out what had happened and why he was there. Or what help he could be.

"The Hellmouth is a gateway to Hell... literally. I don't think there isn't one week that goes by without someone wanting to end the world by opening the damned thing..."

He didn't notice the horrified looks that SG-1 shot him at his flippancy.

"...I don't want to get my friends in trouble with this... I mean, we did kinda have to blow up the school... it was the only way to stop the Mayor, after all."

Blank looks met his worried gaze, and he blushed. "Oh, sorry. Guess I'd better start from the beginning, eh?"

"Good place to make a start, son." Hammond shot a glance at Jack, who had gone from pale when Harris walked in to a strange purple colour as he forgot to breathe. "Colonel?"

Jack jerked out of whatever daze he had been in, and shook his head to clear it. "Sorry sir, I just... uh." He scowled at his lack of ability to communicate acceptably. "Never mind."

Xander started at the beginning, and his mind played twin images as he relived his past. The past of himself as one image, and Kowalsky's – a far longer history playing more faintly underneath it. "I was born and raised in Sunnydale, California. When I was five, just like everyone else, I started school. I met two people that for the next ten years would be the closest friends I ever had. Until... she arrived..."

"Who?" Janet asked gently.

"Buffy Summers. The stereotypical cheerleader type... only... she had a destiny. She was the Slayer, whether she wanted to be or not, she was 'it'."

"What's a Slayer?" Sam asked with a frown.

"Oh. Sorry." Xander blushed. "Giles, you should have been here for this... I'll tell it the way he did; when we found out... when I found out that the 'new girl' was something more than 'just a girl'."

He sighed. "In every generation, there is a Chosen One. The 'One Girl' in all the world who is destined to beat back the forces of darkness: the demons, the vampires, the bogey-man in the closet..."

Jack snorted.

"Vampires are real, and are drawn to the Hellmouth. If you don't believe me, then go visit for yourself. Take a moonlit stroll. If you come back, then tell me I was wrong!" Xander's carefully enunciated verbal savaging made Jack swallow. It reminded him all too well of Kowalsky when he knew he was right, and that someone who should believe him, didn't. Still, it got Kowalsky in a lot of trouble sometimes.

"Calm down, son." General Hammond waved back the airman who had been approaching Xander from behind, his pistol drawn.

Daniel nodded, and put a hand on Jack's arm. "You know, Jack, it isn't entirely impossible... I mean, if we though the Goa'uld are Gods, and the Norse gods are the Asguard... is it so impossible that aliens have been mistaken as demons?"

Jack nodded grudgingly. "OK, so Danny has a point. But I still don't see how that ends up with you here!" He glowered accusingly at Xander.

"To understand that, I'm going to fast-forward a bit through time... to Halloween, 1997. A Chaos worshipping mage decided to get revenge on an old friend... we still haven't worked out why... or rather, Giles won't spill, but we got turned into our costumes..."

"Still not getting it," Jack muttered moodily.

"I went as a soldier. But the fatigues I got second-hand were from the Air Force." He noticed their horrified looks. "What?" he whined, "I had ten bucks to make an entire costume! With my father drinking any money I got almost as soon as I had it in my hand, I never had much of anything. Cut me some slack, already!"

Daniel snickered. "It's not that, they're horrified about, uh... Alex... it's the fact that you went as a soldier in Air Force fatigues."

Xander blinked, not fully understanding. Then comprehension dawned. "Oh. Right... OK." He snickered too. "It is kinda funny, when you look at it like that..."

He continued, "But anyway, I didn't just get the soldier deal... I got a specific person. The person those fatigues had belonged to. An Air Force Captain, by the name of Kowalsky. The guy you know. The guy who died because a slug decided to chow on his brain." Xander looked and sounded angry as he said that, then visibly forced himself to calm down. "Who, by the fact that he was dead, gave me everything rather than just the memories up to that point. So Kowalsky was a Major, rather than just the captain he had been when wearing those fatigues. I think Giles hypothesised once that we would gain the memories of whoever the clothes had been up to the point the clothes were discarded. If the wearer had been the Devil himself when he threw the clothes, then that is what you would become: whether he later reformed or not... but that is something of an academic consideration, and I'm not too good at them." He gave a self-deprecating smile, "once they no longer had a connection to that person, they stopped being that person."

Jack raised his hand, and butted in. "Anyone else confused?" This drew a grin from Daniel, and a 'humour the Colonel' look from Carter.

"OK, so I'm not too good at the explaining thing. I guess that's something I'll always be pretty poor at. Whatever." Xander pulled a face as he struggled with explaining something which, to him, was as normal as breathing. To everyone else, it would be a nightmare.

"Because Kowalsky was dead, he didn't leave when the spell ended. He didn't leave, because his mind, lacking a physical body, had nowhere to go back to. So rather than get lost in the ether, he stayed. I still have him up here, sort of."

"Do you or don't you?" Jack interrupted again. He was getting sick of the half-truths and evasive answers this kid was giving them. For someone 'explaining everything', he was doing a bang up job of confusing the hell out of everyone in the room.

"I said I do, and I do, Jack," Xander shot back, "but it's beyond merely having two minds... and don't worry, it's not a form of schizophrenia or anything. I worried about that at first, but... anyway, not important now. Both Kowalsky and I have come to that much of a conclusion. I became Kowalsky that night, and Kowalsky became me. If he had still been breathin', I bet you would have had Kowalsky suddenly acting like a teenager in the middle of you..."

Xander took a deep breath, preparing for what he knew was still painful. "We... merged. I have his memories... most of them, anyway. I can't remember stuff he can't, so a lot of the 'little' things are gone – I can't, for example, tell you what he had from breakfast, lunch and dinner two months before he joined the SGC. But I can tell you things he considered important, and tried to remember: that is how I ended up here. Once the possession was gone, and the 'military' aspect retreated a bit, I had a wonderful couple of weeks remembering little other than that damned snake taking me... uh, him over..."

Xander was physically shaking as he spoke now, his voice terrified, and his eyes leaking even as he blinked the tears away. "It was... it was. It was goddamned horrible. I've never felt anything like it. If Deadboy felt like that in Hell, then he got what he deserved..."

SG-1 frowned at that, but no one spoke, not daring to break the spell of the scene in front of them.

"I wasn't me any more. Instead of Kowalsky, who to be honest was kinda nice about his situation in my head, the Goa'uld railed against it. I found myself doing things I would never do... all unable to control it. Kowalsky was no help, not really. He remembered the pain too much to do anything other than scream. It turned out it was nothing more than a memory of the pain he had been through, but it was enough. I didn't have another rider in my head; I just had a sort of phantom reminder of what happened to Kowalsky. Knowing that the Goa'uld killed twice... and nearly killed Sam over there..."

Xander looked at her guiltily, and she saw that whoever was in there was deeply sorry about something he had not done. She shook her head slowly, before looking away. "I guess I was lucky that in the grip of Kowalsky's physical memories I didn't kill anyone."

"When Kowalsky stopped remembering those times, those few hours, that stopped. He'd gone back to those times since then – at my request, even – but that's never come back. Kowalsky helped me. He helped me stay alive; he helped me gain some confidence in myself. He's dead; I've never met him, and I still owe him a debt so large I will never be able to repay it."

Xander's arms were wrapped around himself as he rocked in the chair; watching him fall apart at the reliving of the terrors two men had been through was like watching a train wreck: you could see what was going to happen, you knew you should look away; but for some unknown reason, you just couldn't.

Xander suddenly bolted out of the chair, and was through the door before his guard could so much as blink. The response was immediate: Janet practically flew through the door after him, Sam following without giving a reason, and Hammond was bellowing into the PA that he should be stopped, but must remain unharmed.

Jack sat at his place, Daniel at his side and Teal'c sitting opposite.

"Well." He said.

That was all he could say.

Neither Teal'c nor Daniel could disagree with him, either.

---

I'd like to thank all my reviewers for both this story and Wake As Me. I know this didn't exactly answer all the questions, but that's kinda the idea. Further revelations and questions will appear throughout the length of this fic, and Jack and Xander/Kowalsky are soon going to have sparks flying about the 'truth'...


	4. Chapter 4

Warning in advance, this chapter contains material that some may not like. It's not too bad, but I just thought I'd point it out. :)

Have fun reading. Don't forget to review. ;)

Disclaimer: Gekko, Double Secret, MGM and probably loads of others own StarGate, Joss, WB, UPN et al own Buffy. I do not.

Title: Waking Dreams

Author: Paradigm Shifter

Feedback: Yes please:-)

Rating: 15.

-

Xander was run to ground by Janet in the main generator room. The following airmen, Janet wave back, afraid he might bolt again if they got to close... or maybe get violent.

He huddled in the corner, his head thudding against the concrete wall as he stared in wide eyed horror at his hands.

Janet knelt down a few feet away, inching as close as she dared. "We're not here to hurt you, Xander. Just... just take it easy. What's wrong?"

"There's... there's simply so much. I can't." He choked back a sob. "I can't. No. Not any more. No more, please!"

Janet sat on the floor next to him, taking sidelong glances at the distraught boy. "Easy. I'm here. Nothing can happen to you now."

"Nothing?" Xander's voice was hopeful, then distraught. "But you weren't there!"

"I wasn't where?" Janet asked softly.

"You. You weren't there when Kowalsky. Kowalsky. God. If it hadn't been for him, I would have done it by now." He jerked back, his skull making a large crack echo in the generator room as it contacted the concrete. Janet winced at the sound. When she got back to Medical, she would definitely have to give him a head x-ray.

"You weren't... I can't even get that right. I can't even do that properly. But then... Kowalsky. He... he gave me... something back. Self respect. Self worth. A desire to live. See!" The mumble rose to a shout. "See! I'm not worthless! I'm not! I count! I help! And do I get any thanks!"

Xander launched himself at Janet, and for a second, she flinched, thinking he was going to attack her.

Then her arms came around his chest, almost on automatic, and she held the sobbing man until he passed out.

-

Sam Carter entered the generator room in time too see Alexander Harris throw himself at Janet, and she knew there was nothing she could do about it. Then Janet wrapped her arms around a suddenly sobbing man as he cried into her shoulder.

She took a few uncertain steps forward, and paused again as Janet turned her head to see who was there.

Sam moved quickly to help Janet lay the now unconscious man down, and looked at the doctor with her eyes asking a lot of silent questions. Her mouth asked one:

"Is he OK?"

Janet met her eyes, and looked down again, brushing some hair out of Harris' face as she checked he was breathing correctly. "No. I want to get him back to medical. I think he might have a fractured skull."

Sam nodded, and tore off.

-

Janet sighed, and looked at the x-rays pinned to the lightbox on the wall. Harris' skull wasn't fractured – he was very lucky in that department, but he seemed to have retreated somehow.

He was – technically – fine. He should be awake, but he wasn't. Janet pondered the idea of two minds in one body... it didn't seem possible. But if you thought about it, it might not be so hard. Most people never used more than a fraction of their available neurons anyway... what if a second mind used the ones that weren't being used? There would have to be some overlap: for example, sensory perception and motor control, but there was no reason why it might not work.

It would be a fascinating discovery if it was true.

And... somehow, a terrifying one, as well. Janet shivered, despite the air conditioning maintaining a comfortable temperature, and thought of the possibilities. Teal'c had said something about demons... aliens might have been mistaken as demons. The Ancients had proved that they could download information into individuals – what if humans learned to do it? Download the mind of the 'best' soldier into every other soldier?

The potential benefits, as well as the potential horrors were astounding.

Janet heard the beep of the heart monitor drop in rate again, and looked up at the brain activity screen. A real-time map of what regions in the brain were functioning. The yellow tinted white that showed in the cerebrum showed high activity, but all the other areas were dull blue.

Alexander Harris' chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed, lying on the bed. And his heart-rate levelled out again.

Janet Frasier picked up a mug, took a sip of cold coffee, and watched.

"I feel so helpless..."

Janet jumped at the sound of a voice behind her, "There's a lot of that going around."

Turning, she saw Daniel Jackson standing in the doorway. "Oh, Daniel. I didn't see you there... you came in quietly!"

Daniel shrugged. "Seems that some of Jacks' spec ops training is rubbing off on me. I kept quiet because you looked like you were thinking."

Janet raised an eyebrow. "Oh? No, no I wasn't, particularly. It's just..."

"Yeah. I know what you mean. There seems to be little anyone can do about this, other than wait to see what happens next. Jack's tearing his hair out: he might not look it, but this has spooked him more than any alien encounter."

"I can believe that," Janet nodded. "Jack isn't the sort of man to stand idly by while someone else does the work. He likes to be involved."

"That's Jack for you."

Janet could see that it was more than just Jack that was bothering the scientist. "There's something else, isn't there Daniel? What is it?"

Daniel strolled toward a chair, and sat down in it slowly. "Ah, I don't know. That's what's bothering me the most. I don't know. Sam seems to be alright, but both Jack and Teal'c are acting oddly. Teal'c looked horrified when... Alex met his eyes."

"I noticed," Janet chewed her lip. "You don't think that they... recognised each other, do you?"

"Recognised?"

"When the Goa'uld was loose here, it fought Teal'c, didn't it? Do you think there could be some element of the Goa'uld still in there?"

Daniel looked at the bed speculatively. "If there is, the General will want round the clock surveillance in case he tries anything."

"He's already got it there, look over by the far wall," Janet nodded in the direction, "for my protection, apparently – if he tries to get up, they'll alert the base. He's restrained anyway, so he doesn't tear out the IV lines or disturb the electrodes."

"If he is a Goa'uld, that won't take it long to break free."

"No, but it's better than nothing," Janet and Daniel both looked at the unconscious Alexander Harris once more, before Daniel silently got up and left.

-

Hammond watched the still body of Alexander Harris as machines around him beeped and hummed various signals to those monitoring him. He couldn't help but muse over some of what Harris had said as he started to break down. He had been hot-listed for command of another project... one that was soon to be started up, and was based in Sunnydale – Harris' home town. In the end, the Army took control, brought in all new agents – agents that were too young and impulsive in Hammond's eyes – so he happily handed over command and moved to the SGC.

A nice easy command for the last few months of his career, before honourable retirement and writing his memoirs: time to do what he wanted, rather than do what others wanted.

Some hope. He'd had more work in the SGC than he had in the past ten years previously, and despite that workload – not to mention the stress – he wouldn't change it. Here he was helping keep the world safe – even if the rest of the world didn't know it. That was something he wouldn't be able to do if he was just some idiot desk jockey somewhere.

This boy turning up... Hammond couldn't think of the unconscious man as a man until he proved he was worthy of the title. He looked older than his 18 years, his eyes and body both... but his records didn't. Given the strange things he had been briefed about when preparing to take over the 'Initiative' as it had been called, he was inclined to believe Harris. Of course, he didn't let this on to SG-1 or anyone else – a general kept no council but his own, and the Presidents', after all – he let them come to their own conclusions, and examined them to see if they agreed with his. It paid off – their views rarely clashed. When they did, it was normally on some small bureaucratic incompetence or inconsistency.

He sighed as he turned away, and Janet watched a silent, troubled man leave the med lab.

- 


End file.
